Understanding Conversation

People Aspect

Red flags:

• Don’t interrupt.

• Never make people feel stupid - it’s on me if they don’t get what I say.

• Don’t give unsolicited advice - especially during someone is venting.

• Silences are okay at times - don’t rush to fill gaps.

• When silences are not okay - non-verbal cues of discomfort or disengagement.

• Avoid one-upping - sharing an experience is not a competition.

Green flags:

• Ask questions if genuinely curious or concerned.

• Assume positive intent if something feels off.

• Feeling emotional is a strength - not a weakness.

• Reflect back what you heard.

• Micro-affirmations feels nice.

• Validate feelings before responding with thoughts.

Topic Aspect

Red flags:

• Avoid sarcasm - it’s better to be boring than misunderstood.

• Avoid triggering introspective topics - especially in casual or early-stage conversations.

• Steer clear of overly personal or trauma-adjacent questions unless invited.

• Don’t dominate niche interests unless shared - recognise when others are losing interest.

• Gossip about absent people erodes trust.

Green flags:

• Find common ground topics: shared experiences, light current events, pop culture, mutual interests.

• Use open-ended questions: “What was that like for you?”

• Shift to emotions when stuck: “How did you feel about that?” instead of just facts.