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Understanding Mind-Games
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Mind games
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Motivations
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- Want something without being explicit.
- Test loyalties, withhold info, play people against each other for leverage.
- Hide behind plausible deniability.

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Forms
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- Lying - gaslighting, inconsistency. Bypassing accountability.
- Withholding information and then redirect blame ("I thought you knew..."). Sabotage credibility.
- Grooming alliances to gain information, flattery for favours.
- Riding coattails - shared ownership of something you created.
- Triangulation - reference what "some people" allegedly said. Divide-and-conquer.
- Fishing for sensitive information but downplay the seriousness ("Just curious..."). Information-gathering for leverage. Trap you into saying something that could be used against you.
- Passive-aggressive (joke-masked criticisms or backhanded praise). Power play. Compliment in public but undermine in private.

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Actions
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- Stay respectful, but firm and clear.
- Use reflective questions to slow the conversation ("Why do you ask?").
- Build quiet alliances with genuinely trustworthy peers.
- Watch for patterns, not isolated moments.
- Document interactions when stakes are high.
- Keep critical conversations in writing.
- Limit sharing non-work stuff.

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Undesired behaviour
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Characteristics
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- Lack of training, emotional self-awareness, or stress.
- Not malicious - just not well-managed.
- Fixable if willing.

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Examples
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- Interrupting due to enthusiasm or poor listening.
- Being passive out of fear, not strategy.
- Being too blunt due to poor emotional intelligence.
- Withdrawing in meetings because they're unsure of their role.
- Not following through due to bad prioritization or overwhelm.

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Actions
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- Be direct but empathetic: "I noticed X - can we talk about what's behind it?"
- Give clarity, mentorship, set expectations.
- Model better behavior.
- Don't label someone a "politician” unless patterns truly show intent.

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Important
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How to tell them apart? Try to understand their motivation. If YES to 3+, likely mind game.

.. note::

    - Is this person playing with information?
    - Do they say one thing and do another - repeatedly?
    - Do they seem more focused on perception than results?
    - Do they create confusion around responsibility or accountability?
    - If I give feedback, do they adjust - or deflect and blame?

.. important::

    - Avoid mind games by being grounded, clear, and consistent.
    - Reduce undesired behaviors in myself and others through awareness, communication, setting expectations, and patience. 

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Desired behaviour
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- Leadership viewpoint

    - Clear communicator - simplify complex things without sounding superior.
    - Honest - even when uncomfortable.
    - Credible - estimate reasonably, deliver what's promised, own mistakes.
    - Proactive - spot problems early, solve, take initiative.
    - Growth mindset - open to feedback, always learning.
    - Calm - under pressure. 

- Peer Viewpoint

    - Predictable; people don't have to "walk on eggshells."
    - Respectful of time, space, differences.
    - Approachable, even when busy or stressed.
    - Collaborative - share ideas, listen, work with rather than around others. 
    - Non-defensive - can disagree without escalating.